Waiting For Jean
by Dannell Lites
Summary: The Sequel to "Waiting For Jeannie" from SAcott's POV.


SPIFFY DISCLAIMER THINGIE!!!  
  
I don't own them (mores the pity!); they're Marvel's and Ah'm usin'em  
without permission:):) Ah ain't makin' a plug nickel! If ya'll sue me  
Scotty is gonna be right *peeved* ... VBEG  
  
Rated G for absolute purity of content! No sex, no drugs, no rock and  
roll:):)  
  
This is a sequel of sorts to moi's story "Waiting For Jeannie"! The  
triangle between Jean, Logan, and Scott has long fascinated moi!  
"Waiting For Jeannie" was from Logan's POV. This one is from  
Scott's:):)  
  
"Waiting For Jeannie can be found at:  
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Keep/4026/WaitingJeannie.html  
  
Enjoy!:):)  
  
  
  
Waiting For Jean: Part Two  
By Dannell Lites  
  
  
You sit quietly and wait. Charles has told you many times that you must  
cultivate this virtue. Be patient, he always advises you. Charles is a  
wise man and you have always heeded his advice. You believe in his  
Dream, yes, you do. It is imperative that you believe. For if mutants  
and humans cannot live together in peace then you are lost. You are not  
one of the ones who can hide what they are. Magneto cannot be right.  
He cannot. ... can he? You have struggled to believe; to do your best  
to bring The Dream to fruition. For most of your life you have  
struggled. You have fought and trained; raised your voice in quiet  
opposition to the man who has been your father since he succored you as  
a lost and frightened boy. And you have not counted the cost.  
  
Except maybe for Jean.  
  
The thought that your battle may have cost you the woman you love is  
devastating to you. From the beginning there was Jean. The moment you  
saw her you were lost. Lost in those clear emerald eyes and that  
glorious smile. When you cried, "Good girl, Jean!" in the midst of a  
battle, she alone could hear you saying "I love you!" even before she  
became the powerful telepath she is today. She has always known you.  
The real you; not this cold martinet you all too often show to others.  
You have sometimes wondered if it entirely by accident that the two  
people who know and love you best, Jean and Charles, are potent  
telepaths. The thought that you are so closed off, so tied up within  
your self that no one else can really see you is not pleasant. How did  
that happen? You do not know. But Jean's happiness is not an option.  
It was when you realize that this is true for Logan as well that you  
began to understand him. After all, you have at least *one* thing in  
common. It is not difficult for you to see why he loves her. And he  
does love her. It shines in his eyes when he looks at her; that soft  
contentment and deep longing. It was easy to recognize. You see it  
every day mirrored in your own eyes. Anxiously, you scan the doorway of  
the small boathouse that is your home, searching for a shock of long  
red hair, a ready glimpse of jade green eyes. Your hands knot  
reflexively into fists at your side. Carefully, deliberately you unfurl  
them. No. Anger is not the answer. You will avoid that trap. You have  
failed at many things in your life, but you will not fail at this. You  
failed as a husband to Madelyn because she was not Jean and you wanted  
her to be. You failed as a father to Nathan because there was no time.  
Slymm was not enough to save him from becoming Cable. You failed to  
protect Alex, your little brother and he died. It occurs to you that  
you have failed almost everyone you care about ...  
  
Except maybe for Jean.  
  
Others have failed you as well. That is the nature of humanity.  
Charles loves you in his cool, distant way but it has not stopped him  
from using you terribly. You are his son in all but blood. Yet time  
after time he has sent you to fight for him because his crippled body  
will not let him; to lead the only friends you have ever known into the  
jaws of Hell. And they have always followed you. There are times you  
can scarcely fathom your unworthiness for the procession of such  
brothers and sisters.  
  
Your natural father, Corsair has failed you too. He abandoned you.  
Abandoned you to the machination of Mister Sinister and his hellish  
orphanage. To Charles' well intended training and the increasing pain  
of life as a mutant; an outsider. He did not wish to leave you alone  
and bereft. He had no choice. You understand this. And yet ... yet  
... He was not there for either of your weddings. He was not there for  
the birth of his grandson. He was not there when you buried Alex. You  
have forgiven him for his initial abandonment. You will never forgive  
him for the continual, ongoing abandonment he practices now.  
  
Cable has failed you too. He has failed to nurture that part of him  
that Slymm and Redd worked so hard to keep alive. He has guarded his  
heart with such steely barriers that you fear he may be unreachable  
now. Perhaps Domino may break through where you could not. But through  
it all Jean has been there. Not once have you reached for her hand and  
grasped the empty air. She is a part of you. A part of you that warms  
you when the dreams come in the frightening depths of the night. Yes,  
Jean has always been there. Like a part of your body that cannot be  
torn away without great pain and blood. You cannot imagine yourself  
without her. There are time when you are sure that everyone you know  
has failed you in some fashion or another.  
  
Except maybe for Jean.  
  
You are sitting quietly more than twenty feet away, alone on the bed you  
share, and still the tremble of her lips tears at your heart as she  
steps through the door and quietly closes it behind her. She holds out  
her hand to you and the simple gold circle of her wedding band gleams  
brightly in the soft light of the small home the two of you have forged  
against such terrible odds. In a great rush the breath you have been  
unknowingly holding flies from your lungs with a great whoosh. You can  
breathe again now. It amazes you that everyone cannot hear your great  
shout of joy. But it is buried deep within you like an iceberg floating  
on the surface of the sea, the most of it submerged and not visible to  
the eye. For a moment the sheer joy of it stuns you. She slips as  
silently into your arms as she slipped into your heart. You hold her for  
long moments and the two of you cling to one another; nothing more. Her  
breath is warm against your damp skin but the feel of her body is sweet.  
Your damning eyes see the gentle rise and fall of her breasts, up and  
down, up and down. If you could describe your vision of Heaven to  
another person it would be to see Jean's face again, as it is,  
unencumbered by your ruby quartz prison. Her eyes are calm and full of  
love. But the rest of her shakes and trembles under the assault of  
sadness and loss. Your heart remembers the feel of her happiness at  
Logan's smile, the sound of her laughter, the touch of her hand. The  
echo of her voice releasing your name with a final caress. She desired  
you. No one else before her had ever done this for you. She loves you  
and thereby taught you your own worth. No one else had ever cared  
enough to teach you this simple thing.  
  
Except maybe for Jean.  
  
It is clear that she will be staying with you. She will not go with  
Logan. No, she will stay with you and her family. You, who have  
scarcely known a family. It would be easy, now, to shout in triumph;  
to exalt in your victory. Easy and damaging. These are selfish  
things. Her eyes ... those beautiful emerald gates to your happiness,  
sparkle now with unshed tears, stabbing at you with sharp, merciless  
blades. Does she need Logan so badly, you wonder? Is he that important  
to her? Perhaps, without him, your Phoenix is not complete? Disturbing  
thoughts. But how true are they? Truer than you would like them to be,  
of that you are certain.  
  
When the first scalding tear trickles down Jeans face, you are lost.  
  
Wordless, you reach for her. Like a falling oak, The Phoenix,  
Tiphareth, Child of The Sun, lowers her head onto your chest and weeps.  
Your body moistened with her tears, you join her. It is clear to you  
now what must be done. But ... can you do it? Can you? It's a simple  
thing, really. So very simple. All you have to do is say the word.  
Let her know that she is free. That you will not cage her. She is your  
Phoenix, risen from the ashes ... and that she must follow her heart  
wherever it leads her. It's not too late. Logan, you know, will  
return, eventually. Simple ... so very simple ... All you have to do is  
open your mouth and speak.  
  
All you have to do is tear out your heart.  
  
"God, I'm sorry, Jean," you whisper in her ear, "I'm so sorry ...."  
  
With trembling lips you kiss her eyes closed to shut out the sight of  
her pain. The sharp, salt tang of her tears is almost overpowering,  
invading your body, becoming a part of you. You stroke her hair.  
Beneath your caress she seems to quiet, like a wild animal brought to  
sudden, inexplicable domestication. You've seem Logan do that and it  
always amazes you. She lifts her head and tries to smile, a wan effort.  
  
"I want her to see my eyes," you think in desperation. But she cannot.  
No one can. Even you have forgotten what color they are.  
  
They're brown. I haven't forgotten. I love you, Scott Summers.  
  
Jean ... I-I ... I won't stop you. If you need him ... if you want him  
... if he makes you happy ... Just as long as there's a little room left  
for me ...   
  
There. It is done. It is said. There is no going back now, is there?  
  
Startled, she regards you closely, searching for the truth. You must  
dig deep for the joy she needs to see. Like a fountain, it wells up  
within you and comes spilling out your eyes. Joy begets joy and the  
relief and happiness you see mirrored on that beautiful face are worth  
whatever pain has given them birth. Her arms enfold you and her hand  
curls around the back of your neck protectively. Her hand spreads over  
your chest, just above your heart .  
  
How could there not be? Room for you? Of course there's room for you  
in my heart. You *are* my heart, Scott Summers.  
  
And then she is within you, quietly ghosting along the corridors of your  
mind, leaving soothing love and joy in her wake. Her joy is your joy, a  
part of you now, just as she is. Whatever happens now, you have made  
Jean happy. Nothing can take that from you. Nothing.  
  
Still you sit quiet, but no loner alone and no longer waiting. You will  
never be alone. What will happen now you do not know. Jean is the one  
who will decide. If she takes Logan as a lover, then you will be happy  
for the joy they share. Jean's happiness will not diminish your own;  
only increase it. If she loves Logan that does not diminish her love  
for you. Is the human heart so small that there can be room for only  
one within it? No. Jean loves you. It is enough.  
  
As you hear the jeep pull away from the house with a plaintive roar; you  
spy the quick flash of pain in Jean's eyes and flinch as though the  
agony were lodged in your own body. Jean is swift to shield you from  
her psychic pain through the link you share. Amazed, you enfold her in  
strong arms, silently, feeling unworthy. You have always felt  
unworthy. But Jean has taught you differently, hasn't she? It is in  
striving to accept her love, to be worthy of it, that you have  
discovered your own worth. That is a battle you have won at last.  
Jean's last gift to you.  
  
Your name is Scott Summers and they tell you that you are the Leader of  
The X-Men. The best of them all; Charles' avatar ... That you are a  
noble man and fine leader. You have endured and done your best to be a  
good man. They tell you that you have succeeded. You have done many  
brave things and many hard and difficult things in your short life ...  
and in all that life you fear that no has ever really loved you ...  
  
Except maybe for Jean.  
  
  
The End  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
